Top 11 Saddest Moments: Jim Henson! Don Bluth! Disney!!! Why you give emotion to us? To grow up? Even Star Trek cry us a little. But that Bambi contrast... scholars talk about that for years. What does the winter scene of death and cheerfulness of spring had to come together?
Surf Ninja: Yes, I am jumping to the satirical review. Leslie Nielsen and Rob Schneider is genius. (not) Assignment forgetfulness and 'Barbara Ann' is genius. (not) Lazy editing and psychic power is genius. (not)
80s cliches and gun non-usage is genius. (not) Powerful warrior and Surfing lesson is genius. (not) Yellow Flags and Jerking off is genius. (not) Great speech and Another rendition of 'Bob Bob Duran' is genius. (not) The review of flattering praising seguing into Wizard of Oz style ending renouncing the praise is... GENIUS!!!! (
Top 11 Nostalgia Cartoons: First of Two Prev. Recorded Episode. (Vengence!) Those shows I need to watch. Animaniacs and Batman: TAS love began here. (Well, I think.)
Kazaam: Second of Two Prev. Recorded Episode. (Vengence!) Shaq corporation ploy about a genie inside a boombox and face-making kid with weird bullies. The genie is... a rhyming one and dies. Oh good, I thought he ... does appear again and pedophilically follows him and does some bike chase going all flashy. Mike says his first wish and says he owns him. Um, a white child owning a big black muscular man reminds me of...slavery. Anyway, introduction and continuation of I'm-in-a-commercial in-joke aside, His father finally realize his fathership and get Shaq to rap, I guess. Pedophile moment later, brakefast acting and another rap sets in. Deep personal conversation commanded by the critic makes no sense the third-act kidnap scene occurs; Shaq gets a recording deal and the thick-mustache villain gets the boombox for evil doings and Mortal Kombat theme Shaqgasm to I will love you death scene, then I wish he wasn't dead and not he isn't dead moment culminating the cliche that is Kazaam. Oh sorry, Citizen Kane. What's up with rapping genie and Shaq? Who wrote this?
Drew Struzan: Album and Poster extraordinaire Drew Struzan was famous for putting lots of people and having an epic scene in nost of their posters, contrast to now one-face dominance thae the now permeates the posters, and tribute is good. Blown off by Struzan! Awesome.
Teddy Ruxpin: Tape automated bear is scary. Espically one that wants to kill you, and bites your balls! Nostalgia's great screenwriting shows up here, and it serves me well, very well.
Double Dragon: Senseless violence beyond its popularity and senseless cameo and plots make this review great. It's not the best review but little jokes really ties it up. Patch uped future, Patch uped dialogue and Patch up fight scenes really make this really bad. Belch, of course. (I really have problems)
Top 11 Underrated Classics: After surviving another death, we look at overlooked movies. Only sequel upgrade in Disney, straight-to-video genius, Jennifer Connelly's rise, a biblical epic re-imagined, plausible silly idea, subtle relationships with Vin Diesel, Boy who never grow up... with a spaceship, creepy and cool sequel (?), happily sad sequel, animated film treating us like grown ups unlike the grown up movie, three way battle that is powerful and intense. All this you forgot?
Howard the Duck: George Lucas did crazy things but this Duckworld and Duckboobs is too much. It happens on Earth, I think, or least Earth in the 80's and there's this duck and came from a parallel dimension and... Okay now I feel crazy. This is a freak, people making up without noticing the duck and duck fights, weird babbles, desperate band members (like really desperate), and cobra commander + exorcist character that hates condiments, Harry Heusen vomit that it transforms into, and lot of mean-spirited and amusing review.
Mortal Kombat: Annihilation: Yes, sequel was made for Mortal Kombat and the Critic lost his beard. First movie credit and CGI later and new actors, too the moive's villain comes with sideshow rejects and call himself Kahn. And Katana was born when her mother was two? Too much Kahns later, most awkward amusement ride appears to take the our heroes... somewhere. And Sub-zero('s brother) is back! Happy Meal Robot and green screen explosion later, we see Lu-Kang making no sense, and girl on girl action! OH YEAH!!! Anyway, Billy Idol Raven later mortal ballet commence and a off-screen battle and some cage scene later more explaining! Um, let's go to the final fight scene (best death ever) and the MORTAL KOMBAT later we restore the world peace. Well, review was satisfactory.
Godzilla: Roland Emmerich version. Ailen invented pyramids? President of US on a jet plane? (more on that later) How do we came up this questions? With clever advertising that tricked us to watching Roland Emmerich films! And today, it's mysterious monster that they never show called... Godzilla. Sigh and Matthew Broderick is in this movie so it'll be great... so, he studies earthworm and now big footprints and character all line up and introduces themselves including Siskel and Ebert. Why? I mean the real Siskel even points and criticized it. Being criticized by a critic you are criticizing because you didn't criticized them enough, that's sad. Simpson reunion and [JOKE ABORTED] later, Godzilla disappears out of thin air. To lure them, they put large amount of fish. Really? That's a lotta fish. See, it doesn't make sense! Unconvincing pixelation and every flying scene later Godzilla disappears, again and it turns into romantic movie of a stalker and a whore, and Godzilla is egg laying asexual. Fun! Eleventh day of rain and nest of egg which hatches to keep this movie going, they steal Jurassic Park, gumball works again, and one run-on sentence later, they're out of there! Movie... continues as Godzilla Resurrection himself and military just blow him up again. Movie sucks and review was great, the fish in-jokes and yeah...
Top 11 Disney Villains: Disney is messed up. Just look at the villains! Classy and maniacal, the villain cuddles hatred and illogic. You know, for kids! (Also bulletproof!) I like how devil is #1, it kinda showed his Christian ideology of how it all work through them and other stuff. (Ghostbusters!)
Super Mario Bros. Super Show: One of those poor ideas to cash by Nintendo and DiC, the show had two awful parts that doesn't mesh well, the Mario part had a real-action segment (of horrendous jokes) and animation segment of ripping off everyone else living in _____land talking pasta puns and no face Indiana Jones. Zelda portion well... 'Excuse me, princess!' and nothing else. Just that. Bumbling Link and Zelda who is awesome and doesn't know it! Ganon with teleporting disorder is there, too. Show is lazy, review is insightful and critic is out to find potland. Good Luck!
Top 12 X-mas Specials: Christmas is greatest task for media. Limited thing to play for any situation the series is in. Whether it's South Park, Mr. Bean, jackass of a brother, or those classic, poorly done or not it tugs with your heart and laugh with your belly and your brain slowly walks into memory lane. Good list with a surprising effect, too!
Jingle All the Way: Arnold's first review! And a horrible movie to review! It even has Jake Lloyd! Oh, the crap is to the max on this one. Turboman is crap, Arnold just doesn't fit and antic aren't that funny, just insane. Touching moment is too scary. Sucking the comedy Sinbad and psychotic episode later, slimy over-the-top voice Hartman comes and 'put that cookie down!' Anyway, our romp idiotland continues as Sinbad comes and annoys and a funny moment ... disappears. Arnold suits up as Turboman at the parade and gives Jake his Turboman action figure and movie ... continues as Sinbad dress up as the villain, and get this, climb a tall building for his little toy! And jetpack really works! WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!! Movie gives up at this point. Anyway, boy is saved. The family relize Turboman was Arnold, because there's so many Arnold looking man out there, and everybody goes happy in commercialism. I mean this is the moment the Critic just goes all out because he cherish Christmas the most and this ruins it badly. I like it. One of the Best!
