Rock-a-doodle: We finally come to the post-marobot eon of Nostalgia Critic. And today we have Don Bluth's 1990's craziness. Extreme Zoom-in! Narrator thinks a stupid thought. Bring on the sun is a crazy job even for a rooster named Chanticleer. Oh, it's a storybook. And the Narrator is still narrating? Well, storm of the century breaks the law of reality and Plummer role was great. Edmund is now a pooey? Anyway, Chanticleer does raise the sun and Owl sings. Giant Tree! Limited vocab later, we learn Owl's breath contains magical powers...
After a Mad libs and stern of bad acting, We find Chanticleer is now a Elvis impersonator. Wow. Song about anything? After all, it's a strange world of randomness. Family left, and owls sing again. Kiss him in the Pecker. Horrible song later, they get captured and escaped. Child is worse than Jake Lloyd. And this hallucinatory scene... Big Lipped Alligator Moment! Crow out of practice, magic breath, and a giant tornado. Edmund was a real boy and just a dream. Vicodin effect later, no exit? Odd movie, great movie.
Titanic - Animated Musical: From one horrible musical to another. It's a blatant rip-off, and this is weird. Rapping dog... Actual sinking with bad animation... still rowing. Flashback, yes and a Cinderella story too. Noah's Ark that is Titanic contain Mexican and weird accented mouse and what happened? Ahhhhhhh!!!!! A Rapping Dog! Go away! Go...(sobbing)... Sub plot and a detective... Dog voiced by Sam Elliott. What happened? Another sub-plot with a nanny? Lost a daughter? Ravishing? Spontaneous attraction... Then a girl lost a ball, and the destiny! Animals again? Random grunts are disturbing. Flashback? ADD scenes later... green gloves appear and disappears. Racist song later, and what? Here's the iceberg! Water with bucket! Non-trapped, Angelica gets a lifeboat and making faces? Really? Breaking window and saving a child, the boy finally is saved. What a contrivance! There's a body out there and oh, dolphins... least I won't see it. Oh how charming? There was a contrived ending? Destroy the image! CARDS!!!!!!!
Pagemaster- A boring stop before Moonwalker. Reading adventure... was it? Nothing is an anything. Ted Turner is a bad teacher and McCulkin is a typical 90's kid protagonist. I despised him already. Everyone now kills him... and a Lenin Lloyd? Adventure! Horror! I need a adult! And a sonic sez, oh god. Colorful ooze, evil reading rainbow! A Corporate tool, a journey and Patrick Stewart? Whoopi's underware? Not trying. Zuul! sorry. Horror is great. Leonard Nimoy? Give you acid? Radioactive Ape Muppet! Books! Books! Books!!! Weird lightening scheme... tossed aside. Laughing randomness. No interest. 90's songs to glance over. Exit is here! A dragon... that is boring. Funny line, eaten alive! Digest your book and a pagemaster. Ready to go, and the Pagemaster is... not great. Not good at all. Next!
Moonwalker- Ego trip of Micheal Jackson! World Peace start... picture of him performing...animations of him performing, Monty Python? Very humble... now a please shut up! New material of Bad by kids... hmmm... awkward conversation. Jackson wills it. Stop-motion puppet...it is a rabbit and this is crack,.. more dancing and to next segment... leave me alone? Train wreck and people trying to kill him. Perfectopia! Lost Ark? Drug dealers? Joe Pesci? Running... Running... Running... Shooting Star and a transformer!? Anyway, it all comes to smooth criminal music video. It's a great M/V. Even more than Thriller... I guess. Then here's the story. Oh great. Micheal Jackson is an alien robot! pretty images... Acme corporations products later Jackson leaves? Then Returns? Oh, Concert. Bunch of music video with no story to tell.
Top 11 Dumbest Superman Moments- From one inflated hero to next. We have a top 11! Does the critic have a eye-liner? Too Young and Bland? Niagara Falls Kid? Immediate Death with the rip-off? Covers the child for the carriage? Bad Special Effect? Stupid glasses? Nuclear Man? Awful editing and Rube Goldberg? Broke the Waa-waa movie, and kissing of mind erasure? Richard Pryor? Spinning the Earth Backwards??? All the bad time and good time and... that depressing moment.
TMNT- Oh great, it's the Mako incident. Anyway, the review starts as opening narration calmly narrating the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and its... is this a video game? Central America. Okay... April is now a tomb raider? Name under the turtles? Turtles have a job now, too... we now missing a plot... Is this Watchmen? Cerebus Syndrome, much? And comes...Mako. Haaa.... up to the Villains and what? Ninja Turtle isn't... now they're fighting. Oh good. And complex scenes later, more fighting. And ladies a good night? What's that? Michelangelo... I couldn't care less. Now we play a video game. Cut scene and reconciliation, he's a good guy and this is confusing. An awkward trip later and sequel hook. Golden sand later, we fight again. What do we learn? Not much. Next. CGI is good, though. Commericials, oh it's the Melvin sketch.
Red Sonja- We get the Mako cleared. Anyway, to Red Sonja. Nielsen is Sonja, but Fairy Godmother comes and expositions. A reminder? Anyway to silly hats! Evil queen, too! Shittakes! Jump-cut! Gestapo guy... Put that cookie down (is funny) Music is out-of-place. Red Sonja is with Ewok Geisha? Singing swords of bugs bunny, you choose. Wise choice. Captain Obvious and Sonja goes off to the talisman. Surf Ninja is a spoiled brat. Named Prince Tard? Married to Princess Tard? Anyway to the candles and the long cut of walking to the throne, and what's this? Wow, subtle. Cross the Rhinos and tech some manner. Epic Fail... That looks so fake... save the day, Arnold! Continue with the dueling accents. I eat you, need a string? But that's Surf Ninjas... Only a model... it's you. Logo shout out! A way in! Weird trapdoor! Awful mouth-work! Jump cut like Gander! Stab her! To the candle room and horrible blue screen effect. Run away to what? Whatever, Bad but not terrible. Good review!
Short Circuit- This is the last one for this update. Next part will be done this week. Now to Saint No. 5 blowing stuff up. Indian stereotype and Steven Gootenburgh made this and does killing and stupid things.
Soul! Outside world is beautiful and bimbo. Parachute to safety, James Bot. Alien? Need input? Long movie? Input addiction! Ah, doi! Dialogue contrived. Morality hits hard! It's alive! He's funny? Sense make no sense. Wakes back up!? Lonely... You had me at soup. Mix between vibrator and man who can't get me pregnant. Brilliant. Reasoning with a joke, art of lying he has learned! Number 5 is blown up! Wha????/ Indian guy is hero for the next one. Con artist? Toy Factory and valuable Jewel, oh my? Lackluster career aside. Mr. Rodgers is so mean. Dominican Cuban Mexican, watch your my mouth. Droid is cracked. Accident-prone, isn't he? Improbable, too. Then comes God! I need an adult and a crush? 80's sitcom later, you're charming! No. 5 is a moron, this woman is a toymaker! Bleed! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Johnny 5! You animals! Most dramatic moment by a robot ever! I, Robot You, Dead... awesome!!! Sworn as an American? Well, a guilty pleasure. And a good pleasure of a review.
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