Antebellum NC Part 1

Ante- before Bellum- war (in this case, Kickassia)
Alone in the Dark- This is where the crossover really blows up. Review with NC, Linkara, and Spoony on a Uwe Boll film. Even without NC's voice, the review was nice. Voice traumatized by that class act, Uwe Boll, Spoony and Linkara come and pressure him for a review. Nostalgia signal and women's clothing aside, let's review with that world-record breaking text scroll, and the reference, evil experiment escapee run into high voltage box only to saved by a flash-forward. Oh, Slater and his monologues... this is so exciting! Anyway, after a opening chase and action sequence with lots of window braking and physic defying street fighter moves, and  a Chuck Norris reference, the man dies not with bullet but a sharp stick. Okay, meanwhile at the Vancouver Museum of Anthropology, because I went there and disguise is... unnoticeable, we see Tara Reid as a women with glasses which means a scientist. Anyway, Slater is followed sorry not followed and look inside a decoder ring. Meanwhile at the sea, someone finds a box made out of pure gold. (A stupid idea, as gold is so malleable, it could easily be broken.) Upon opening, Slater goes Shatner and people just walk away. Okay, meanwhile in the bureau of hot people paranormal investigation, or in the orphanage, or in Slater's house... little transporting there... three (or four) people that disappeared are from the same orphanage. Ah. Now at the museum, we get hugged and punched by Tara Reid (United States of Tara?) as she does more exposition. Duh. In the another room, which is obvious because I went there, security gets killed (two days before retirement) and two main character run and hide? Okay... dorf and friends save him and that's that. Meanwhile at the doctors, the main character... at the museum the old professor does good McGuffin and we're in the house again. Oh great. Sex scene. And flicker. Oh great. Dark action scene. 90's kid, Insano, Ma-Ti and Bum is dead! Oh no! After the comment on the GPK syndrome (Too much and too little plot at the same time) We snoop at the cave mine. Random yelling. Roam Panning. Marco Polo. Thanks, Slater. Dead or Alive or something and I'm acting! Stab and Shot and Explosion and what orphanage in the day? Evacuation of the city in the one night. Everyone had only two days before retirement. Anyway, the review end with Three Stooges and with this review, it is a classic.
Blank Check: Bland... oh so bland... uninventive... tight and uncomfortable shot, two bully and life savings, oh.... So the kid is the only one to operate a computer and Don't rub it, be a man? What... only dorky rides?  Money is everything here and weird love interest. Almost get run over by a car and get no reprimands. One million dollars? Why, just write infinity or one googol? Go all out when you're a criminal! And who is juice? Tone Loc? How you say... meanwhile, the boy starts out by buying a castle. So, Mr. Product plug gets the castle and a comic relief that's no relief. Hello, mindless montage. The girl is a FBI agent. Oh great. So with Michael Jackson PSA later, The girl has no mind to think the strangeness of the situation and just rolls with it.  Product placement later, padding and more padding, a date and the quirky advice you can see from miles away...no, that was... anyway on to the buying love from your family. The date is more awkward and still bland. Oh, it's Atlanta Olympic park water fountain... is it? Anyway, bad guys come and fall and awkward date is over. Mr. McIntosh mistake is checked off and the bad guys show up after the party. Well, Home Alone happens. After... oh the cops show up and girl kiss the boy and... what? Ew.... ew..... what is wrong with you? Bad deed and Money is happiness. Just like Disney. NC knows well
Old vs. New: Charile and the Chocolate Factory- As I watched the bandgeek8408 version and the redux, I feel interested in NC's sayings. It's pretty much the same opinion, except some minor differences. So watch bandgeek8408, let's say he needs more love and... next review. (Duck Amuck was great, NC)
Cool as Ice- Vanilla Ice is just laughable. Weird edits and where's the plot? Scaring the horse. Okay. What, the tree and surprising expression and what's that sound? Don't explain the plot, uninteresting guy. Why is this blank, oh it's just too white... movie is fast forwarding and a boring TV show. Sugar Shack... and who is this? Ninja Ice. It's so white. Dick to another dick. Iceman! Sounds more Italian than black. Nude construction, what is Calvin Klein what is... just move on. Commercial without promotion. Now story appears. Then randomness. Love ring run with inspector gadget. Kidnapping! Weird sound effect and jokes! Chewed-up-black-condom man, oh god... it's blinding me! Spit the end! Oh... well that was a great review, NC. See you.. now (Why I want to end this thing?)
Suburban Commando- Bad idea and another Star Wars rip-off and we meet Iron Chef? Ismy? Oh, he's mine. Envelope to cut off a man's head later, the hero run away like coward. Stop references and that rap song, why torture me with bad rap songs? I'm not ToddInTheShadows... So Lloyd, Duvall, Miller and others do... sorry didn't got it from that rap. Running Jokes... oh god. Okay, Hogan settles down, bad guys is introduced and Lloyd is stalking Hogan. Oh good. Screaming for Health? Oh, a payoff. Funny guys... Hulk Smash! Sneaking music, no sleep and Afterburner. Lloyd and crotch warmer later, bounty hunter chase down the guy and nothing weird about that, Lloyd traveled in time for heaven's sake. Freeze guns, Ghostbusters and random shooting. I was frozen today! What.. just a classic line. Almost kissed? Oh, speeches and emphasis and Black Lagoon. Surf Ninja... Shooting a light? Movie is a guilty pleasure. This is, too. I was frozen today! God, I love that line.
Next Karate Kid- Oh, Hillary Swank. Death's favorite actress. But her start was... bad, bad movies like Next Karate Kid. Karate kid was a standard maker. A movie that followed a million copies. Part II not bad. Part III, that's when it got stale. So there's just a reboot left. So the movie exposition is... done as a line, I suppose and rebel by bird-feeding. By using the move of light throw, police just gives up. After a move to California, unnecessary long shot and an obvious villain, who relish in cruel and unusual punishment and teaching techniques. Do not diss Miyaki, now run back to the house. Now for training, which we take in a babysitting route. Another break-in, but there's the ironical brothers. Anyway, Swank is out for two week and that means more fighting scenes, I guess. And respecting living things. And catching arrows. So we go back to school after that, and we go to the dance because that's where every other school movie goes to. And the monks go bowling. Weird. Bunch of guys at the dance bungee jump from the ceiling. Weird. The security force blow up the car. What? Finish him off? Manslaughter, then more fighting then... what's wrong with this guy? But the movie just ends and well that's that. Good review.
Casper: We'll stop here. Casper is so cruel, isn't he? TIMING! Okay. So we start with kids and the title and Ben Stein. Oh great. Creationism joke. Then Eric Idle. Oh, I feel sorry. Open the pits of hell and let cameo show up like oh, Dan Akyrord. Anyway, the main charcter is played by Bill Pullman and oh, Christie Ricci, done bad movie when young, still does bad movie when old. (Sigh.) Exposition and commercial and what is that. Weird. I saw a ghost or a reflection. Maybe for acting. Weird cameo Pun dialogue and weird logic. Breakfast contraption later and TIMING! and plot device. Strong bond later, creepiness. Then sluttiness and abortion. Filler Night! Mom has 12-year old's body and Rosebud. Just a push away, I guess... what's with... oh it's the GPK syndrome again. God heard her? Duke Snyder? TIMING! Bucket. What kind of prank? Random things. Guardian Angel or a Blue Fairy make Casper live again and that line is still creepy but why I like review, other than Eric Idle, is the Ghostbuster end and its use of convention people... I guess.