Saturday, February 4, 2012

Golden Age of NC part 2

A Kid in King Arthur's court: A cheesy movie that is a 'normal' 90's kid's film, which is just flawed, just flawed. A cliche of different ideas and historic inaccuracies that defines contrivances. I say Nostalgia Critic is overdoing it on the horribleness scale but whatever,but this is his second year so he hasn't got immunity over it. But with Kate Winslet in lesbian relationship (or not), always dissolving scenes, baseball, dumbasses in danger disorder, and Gainax ending, he maybe isn't so overacting... but I'm acting...
Good Son: Silent critic? It works, and I like this as there not of in-jokes and  fourth wall ones, too. These include cut?, I'm acting, in-movie commercial, Fugitive reference, and Culkin says F-word? Wow.
Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Gateway to madness, indeed. The show is just wow. It's just a bad, bad trip. OF COURSE! and one of the best NC reviews. Annoyance mounts to miserableness as we descent to god-knows-what as we see something that has no thought, no focus and worst than doodling. Like what? pumpkin? what? what? pumpkin? Chili Dogs? and moral lessons... dryers and bad touch... Well least there was an another show at the same time with Katie Soucie (in her natural voice!) in the female lead. NC in brink of despair, find grace in this amazing show. So other show, queen it up, bitch!
Top 11 Mind...um...screws: Another top 11. Toon town, crazy. Cool world, just bad. Dragon's Lair 2, awesome. Grinch spin-off, meh. Raggedy Ann? okay. Beetlejuice? That's more like it. Hallucination by Rob Zombie BLAM, that's wow. Willy Wonka tunnel sequence, you know there's been thesis about this stuff, you know. This is Halloween, genius. Pink Elephants, why? Pee-wee's playhouse, well that explain itself. ELEPHANT!
Twister: Natural Horror at its worst. Twister looks like the perfect natural distater to work a movie on because the diaster is short and plenty, the Aristotelian three-act plot could be constructed and it's not needed of plot logic. Opening scare? Twister! The cast is stellar, but the plot Dusty doesn't approve. Couple arguing! is not a good way to writing a disaster movie. Thinking storms? Too much music, so much that even Burger King can't handle? Corporate sponsorship? Physic powers! (I seriously don't know what I said there.) Use adult words, F5? Who refresh the page? I lost everything! Anyway serial killer tornado later, another tornado destroys the town, and... oh god a giant tornado, push F5! Refresh the tornado (and Pepsi!) Stop following and hold the pipe! That's what a inside a tornado, wait we can see this? Whatever movie over and the review is great and all that stuff.
Garbage Pail Kids: Yes...... Garbage Pail Kids. The worst movie in the series, maybe except for The Room. Just start. After warning and intro, opening shot that makes no sense, bullies that are waaaay too old and with a weird laugh. There's a antique captain that speaks only motivational speeches. After a contrived sequence of character introduction later, the titular kids are introduced. NO explanation to anything, however. Tangerine with a slow response with boobs later, Kids do stuff. I don't know... plot is weird as we find out Kids are sew-ers (get it?) and with their sewing, Tangerine can make a business. With a song. Lesson is always weird around here as Kids do... something, I don't know. Now three stooges are here to... is there a laughing gas here? Anyway a weird bar scene later, we found out there's a state home for the ugly, where men catch ugly people like dogs? Now the plot lines suddenly exponentially increasing, Bullies takes the kids in a contrived scheme and put dodger in a trash can which he gets out of and saves the inmates. Then they rip off the model's clothes and vomit on them. THIS IS NOT PORN! What is this? I mean does the writer have any sense at all in writing? Anyway, protagonist dumps Tangerine and Garbage Pail Kids go off in sunset. That's it! GOD, THIS MOVIE SUCKS! But the best part  about this review is the 2001 parody that moves on to just more than a review show. It's great and a real sense of change in direction with the Nostalgia Critic. A revamp with more joke, more community and more awesomeness then ever. Will you join me? We'll see when I continue the library of Nostalgia Critic. Goodbye.


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